Dearly Disturbed Dexter Season 5
by XxDyingToLivexX
Summary: This takes place AFTER season 4, so BEWARE of spoilers! BIG spoilers! Dexter is terribly tormented by the recent events of his life and is struggling to find serenity. During his struggle an all too familiar person returns to visit Miami.
1. Troubled Mind

A/N: This takes place AFTER Showtime's Season 4 of Dexter. Beware of spoilers. Hardcore.

* * *

_"How did it come to this? You take all safety precautions. You calculate every step. You make sure everything is how it should be. Never making a choice without knowing the consequences. Everything had to be perfect. No room for errors. Where did it all go wrong?" _A room darkly lit rested in silence as a man stood gazing out of a window. The curtains were mostly closed, but was parted just enough to allow a single ray of light to flow in. The moon was held high, illuminating the sky. The house which had once been full of life was now empty. No sounds of the pots and pans as cooking was held in the kitchen. No soft touches of a loving wife. No laughing of the children at play. No more pizza nights on a Friday night after work. No more banana split sundays together on a warm sunny day. No more anything. It was all...gone._ "Lives are lived without realizing that we take things for granted."_

The figure turns from the window and looks to some pictures on the wall. There are a few wedding pictures and family photos. Rita. Astor. Cody. Harrison. All of them were smiling at him, but he felt nothing. He was empty._ "I failed them..." _And it was something he would always live with for the rest of his life. Nothing he could do could change what he had brought upon them. _"I should have never gotten involved with Arthur. Rita shouldn't have had to pay for my mistakes." _Dexter's hands lowered to the table in front of him to run his fingers over the wedding ring that had belonged to his wife. The silver band was placed upon his keys, so that she'd always be near.

After a moment Dexter turned away from the table with the keys in his hand as he walked over to the door. A black bag was placed beside it and within it would be all the tools necessary to perform his perfect ritual. Things had changed. Nothing was like it used to be._ "What would the old Dexter have done differently..?" _He wondered as he knelt down to pick up the bag. He placed the strap over his shoulder and glanced around the living and dining area one last time.

The door closed behind him as he began his walk to his van. He opened the passenger side to place the black bag upon the seat, before walking around to seat himself in the driver's side. The engine roared to life as the key was turned into the ignition. Tonight was the night. A sacred ritual was going to happen. It had to happen or else the chaos would control him. The blood spatterist pulled out of his driveway and began the long drive to begin the set up of his next victim. The location was perfect. An old abandoned warehouse in a small town that had long-ago closed down due to an abundance of unemployment. This warehouse had been the very thing keeping the people employed and when it went down, everything went with it.

Dexter pulled up in the back and quickly removed all of his equipment before moving out to the spot he'd chosen. He withdrew the plastic wrap from his bag and began going to work. Making sure every square inch was covered in plastic. The whole while nothing was on his mind other than catching the next victim for his kill. There was no guarantee he would be catching the guy any time soon, but he had to prepare for it. At any moment he could capture him and should that moment come it was important Dexter was prepared for it. _"Jose Lizarraga. Arrested for the raping and murdering of several women and children. While in prison he managed to successfully break free himself and half a dozen other inmates. Mob bosses, Rapists, Murderers. They were all free to go back to their life of crimes."_

He paused for a moment as he tucked the plastic back into his bag, having finished the job. His eyes wandered across the room one last time, checking for spots of error. _"Jose was spotted in Miami; Alone. Should the occasion come, I will find him."_ When he saw that there were no errors, he turned off the lights and exited the warehouse to begin his drive back into town. He drove around a few locations where he had picked up leads on Jose's whereabouts. With luck, perhaps he'd see him tonight. Dexter parked alongside the road before climbing out of the vehicle. _"Like finding the needle in the hay stack..." _He thought to himself calmly as he walked down the sidewalk. This part of Miami wasn't the most popular and it rarely had many people coming and going. Only the shady types were ever found here, so why not give it a try?

There was a run-down bar open up ahead that seemed promising enough, so the Blood Spatterist began to make his way over to it. Tonight felt nice. His blood was pumping fiercely throughout his body. It knew. The thrill of the hunt. It was exactly what he needed. This is what he was and this is what he'd always be. Nothing and no one could ever change that. Dexter slipped into the bar, standing out just a bit seeing as he wasn't as raggedy and as shady looking as the other characters seen stumbling around with beers in their hands. The bar was mostly full, but had a couple of spaces. Without drawing much attention on himself, he snaked his way through the crowd until he seated himself upon one of the bar stools. Little did he know that the whole time he'd been followed and had been for quite some time. One would think that Dexter Morgan would be easy to catch something like that. Perhaps only the old Dexter would have noticed. Dexter remained in the bar for a little while and just as he was thinking about leaving to search elsewhere, Jose Lizarraga showed up.

Some time passed and with it the more Jose drank. The bar was closing soon and so most of everyone was leaving to crawl back in their homes. Everyone except Jose. He had no home here in Miami. When the Hispanic exited the bar, Dexter was right behind him. Of course he made sure to have a little distance between the two of them so it wasn't suspicious to on-lookers. Dexter was tailing him without even raising a single red-flag to the few people that were around. All it would take was for Jose to turn down a dark alley, or a deserted street and Dexter would have him.

As Jose made a left to go down the empty street, Dexter made his move. Swiftly withdrawing his needle from his pocket he was quick to approach Jose directly and grab him from behind. He used one hand to force his head to the side, exposing his neck, before sliding the needle in and injecting the etorphine hydrochloride. In seconds the man was unconscious. Dexter wasted no time dragging him back to where his van had been parked. He popped the trunk and hoisted the body into the back before closing it. Now all that he needed to do was get back to that warehouse. Time was growing thin, it was already way late into the night, it wouldn't be long before the sun caught up with him.

The drive to the warehouse was made with haste. Upon arriving, Dexter removed Jose from the back of his van and dragged him all the way to the room that was perfectly done in plastic. The next step was to remove Jose's article of clothing. He made sure to bag all of the Hispanic's clothes into a hefty bag before wrapping his victim in plastic. The third step; Pictures of all of his victims were removed from the black bag and placed where Jose could see them from his position on the table. Dexter paused a moment to stare at all of the faces of Jose's victims. The women surprisingly were the ones that stood out the most to him. _"All of them. Married women with children. Their husbands robbed of a wife. Their kids will never know...They'll never know the touch or feel the love of a mother. They'll grow up without any idea of what it's like to have a mother to call their own...Just like mine..." _Dexter lowered his head briefly, his brows pulling together as his eyes forced shut. _"I've always been alone, but for the first time in a long time...I actually feel alone."_ The blood analyst turned from the pictures, his head raising as his eyes opened to fall upon the unconscious victim.

He removed a stick of smelling salts from his bag and snapped it in half before placing it under Jose's nose. Instantly he awoke, his breathing heavy as awareness flooded back to him. "What the fuck?" His voice was hoarse and fear was instilled in it. "What the fuck is this? Who are you?" He demanded, his eyes glued onto the mysterious man before him.

"That's not important." Dexter replied, returning the gaze on his victim. "Jose Lizarraga." He spoke calmly, turning from him to look at the pictures. "Recognize any of them?" A hand raised to gesture towards all of the photos, before his attention returned upon the man.

Jose's eyes strained to see what he was motioning at and when he saw the familiar faces, a look of horror struck. "I didn't do it! I'm innocent!" He immediately shouted, claiming innocence over the obvious guilt.

A sense of satisfaction came from Dexter. "I haven't even said anything. You just gave yourself away."

"What do you want?" Jose asked, seeming to want to go the negotiable route. "I-I can give you anything. Just, please, fuckin-don't hurt me!"

"I don't want anything you could give me." Dexter said sternly. "The only thing I've ever wanted was already taken from me." His expression was dark at these words as thoughts of Rita played in his head. A soft sigh emerged from the Dark Passenger as he pushed these thoughts aside. "All I want now, is for you to be gone. Rid the world of your filth." His voice had returned to calm as he picked up the scalpel to cut Jose's right cheek. A cry of pain emerged from him and a few nervous breaths as he watched Dexter place a single drop of his blood on a slide.

"Fuck you!" Jose spat, after a moment had passed. "You think you can just kill me?"

Dexter stared down at him. "Uh, yes." He replied, bluntly, shoving a wad of gauze into his mouth. "Not really much you can do. Given your current state, I don't think you're suited to do much of anything to help yourself." He added, making his way over to his bag of tools. His fingers ran along the different tools, contemplating which to use. Deciding to go with a simple stab, his hands wrapped around the handle of a chef's knife, pulling it out and examining it's blade momentarily. Jose's shouts were muffled as he looked at the blade held within Dexter's hand. Feeling no need to further chat with him, Dexter rammed the knife into the center of Jose's chest, watching as the blood seeped out and spread neatly beneath the plastic wrap. His hazel eyes watching intently as the man took his last breath. A deep sigh released from Dexter, his firm grip around the blade slipping. Silence fell among the room as he took a moment to regroup. He had done it. He had performed the ritual. It was a success. But why didn't he feel any different? Confused, Dexter pulled the blade from his chest and then proceeded over to his bag of tools to grab his mini saw. This is what he would use to dismember the body, so that it could be neatly wrapped into six separate hefty bags. Ready to be packaged off to the Golf Stream.

The dismembering didn't take too long and though it didn't seem to do much for Dexter, he was still certain it was what he needed. _"I certainly wasn't expecting to recover instantly once I could kill again...but I didn't expect to feel less whole. What's wrong with me?"_ He wondered as he picked up the last remaining body part to place into a bag. He turned away from the table to stack the last piece with the others when he paused. A figure was standing in the door frame, staring right at him. The lighting was dark and it wasn't easy to distinguish who it was. However a voice spoke to him. It was a familiar one, but for some reason it didn't match up.

"Dexter..?" Rita stepped forward, a look of complete disappointment. She was hurt. She could see him for what he really was, for the first time.

"Rita..?" Dexter's voice quaked, his heart pounding. _"What the hell is this? This can't be real. Why am I suddenly seeing Rita?" _His thoughts were racing through his head. All he could do was remain frozen, with the last wrapped body part grasped within his hands. His hands and shirt covered in blood. He was found guilty and it wasn't by Rita; it was Lila. His vision focused onto what it actually was, rather than seeing who he truly wanted. Before him was the pale, black haired woman he had grown to hate. She was supposed to have been one of his victims, but had gotten away. How the hell did she get here and why was she here? Dexter stared dumbfounded, words unable to express what he felt. "Lila?"


	2. Lila?

"Hello Dexter." Lila said with a hint of satisfaction in her voice, a tiny grin pulling at her lips. It was almost as if she found pleasure in catching him in the act of his ritual. Her thin arms crossed folded across her chest as her dark eyes remained fixed upon him. Dexter was still unable to find his own voice as he returned the gaze. How long had Lila been there? How long had she been following him? When did she even return to Miami in the first place? A million things buzzed through his head as his expression contorted, twisting into anger. The pale woman dared to move closer towards him, cocking her head to the side as she continued. "This is quite amazing, Dexter. Is this what you would have done to me?" She pondered aloud, forcing herself to keep some sort of a distance between him. She studied him a moment and then took herself closer to him. "You poor thing." A hand extended towards him, meaning to brush back some of his bangs that had grown heavy with sweat over his forehead.

Dexter's brows pulled together, a deep line forming between them. Lila had murdered Doakes. She was a liar. Not to mention she had a nasty habit of stealing. Dexter specifically remembered telling her that she was more dangerous than his addiction ever would be, and it was true. Yet, even as the pale woman had made her way across the room, he did nothing but remain still. His hazel eyes remained focused upon her as she studied the crime scene; his crime scene. Dexter's mouth was slightly ajar, but quickly closed when she reached a hand out to him. Her hand was cold, yet the touch was soothing as it ran across his cheek. Removing one hand that was gripped firmly around the wrapped body part, Dexter reached up to grab her wrist. He forced her hand away from his face, while keeping a a firm grip on her wrist. "You shouldn't be here." His voice was dark, his eyes baring a warning.

A light cackle came from her, not even trying to fight her hand free of his hold. "That's quite funny, Dex." She replied, her face smoothing as she raised a brow. "What, are you going to do, kill me?" The way she said it was more of a taunt than it was a question. It was very clear that Lila did not take Dexter and his Dark Passenger seriously. Perhaps she had at one time when she realized that he had been set on killing her that day before she fled Miami, but something in her had changed. Her fear had melted away after being from him for so long. What was it about her that drove her crazy about Dexter?

"You're a fool to come here Lila, and alone." He spoke coldly.

"Dexter, when are you ever going to toss aside that anger of yours?" Lila jerked her wrist from his firm hold and quickly held his face in both her hands. "Don't you even understand why I've come back? I came back for you! Even after all that I've discovered about you, I still love you! I want to be with you. I want to help!" She softened her tone. "I heard about Rita in the paper last week. I am truly sorry. Dexter, you must be breaking down inside, poor thing."

Lila was pressing her luck. She should not have shown herself to him. It was bad enough that he had already planned on killing her, but even worse that she chose such a time to show up. A week after Rita's death? The man had finally experienced what might have been real emotions for another human being and that very being was taken from him. He had gone from hope for a normal life, to crawling back into a den of darkness. A realization had hit him, harder than ever. Even as her words left her lips, he knew they were just a lie. He was destined to be alone, he knew that. Lila's hands pressed against his face, causing him to react and move her back from him. His eyes locked onto hers. "Nothing you could ever do could come close to helping me, Lila!" He said a bit harshly. "You made a mistake by coming here." His hand removed his hold on her so that he could place the bag in his hand upon the stacked body parts that were already neatly wrapped. "If you think I've forgotten all the things you've done, you're wrong. Your life is mine." His words had no intention of sounding sweet or kind. He meant that her life would be put to an end, by his hands. If not tonight, perhaps the next. All he knew was that it'd be near impossible to accomplish for tonight.

Lila stood where she was a moment, her eyes following him as he placed the wrapped limb with the rest of the body parts. "Dexter..." She started and then moved in once more to meet his gaze. "Yes. You are right." She placed a hand gently upon his forearm. "My life is yours. It always has been, from the very moment I met you." A soft smile tried to form itself upon her lips. "Please, don't be angry with me for showing up. Do not push away the person who accepts you for who you are!" There was a silence between them. A silence where Dexter's head began to throb from a headache that had formed.

One thing that Dexter never understood about Lila was her incapability of desiring him. It didn't matter what he did or what he said, she would always take him for her own. It seemed the more he pushed her away, the harder she tried. It was almost futile for him to try to get a clear point across to this woman. Her words meant nothing. Lila never new what she was saying. She was obsessed with the idea of loving him. That's all it ever would be; Obsession. She wasn't the first person to have said she accepted him. Dexter killed Brian Moser, his own flesh and blood. One would think that if his own brother didn't have a chance, no one did.

He struggled to think clearly, he wanted nothing more than to kill her now, but he knew he did not have the time for that. Not now._ "It's bad enough that I haven't even left yet, it won't be long before the sun is coming up and I have work in the morning.." _He thought as he sighed heavily and then refocused upon Lila. The moment his eyes met hers, she was bringing her face in closer, as if to kiss him.

Her lips pressed against his and instantly Dexter reacted by pushing her back. This was too soon. Not only did he have no interest in her, but the fact that she had felt the need to try such a thing so soon after Rita's death was even more so unsettling. "Lila!" His shouted her name as he grabbed onto the sides of her arms firmly. "What do you think you're trying to do? Do you think that I would instantly take you back the moment you arrived?" Dexter's eyes pierced into her. He was in no state to be messed with and it was clear he was in no mood for 'connecting' with another person.

And there it was. The same hint of fear from the past struck in her eyes at the sound of his raising voice. It was as if someone had cracked a whip at her, she looked startled. Regardless of the fear the had been all too familiar from the past, awaking in her veins, she still believed that he was her soulmate. Whether he knew it himself or not. Lila was determined to make him learn. He would see that she was in love with him and always would be. Whenever Dexter needed her, she would be there. A caring mentor, his troubled mind may lay at ease with her comfort. However, tears rimmed up in her eyes as the frustration coiled around her very insides. It was beyond irritating having to try to prove herself to him again and again. Seeing the tears form in her eyes didn't phase him one bit. He could seriously care less at all what Lila was thinking. "I'm sorry, Dexter. I couldn't help it..." She shook her head, her hand reaching to run through her black hair, pushing her long locks out of her face. Her tongue ran quickly along her lips as he blinked back the tears that had begun to form. "Let me help you clean up...I know that it's late." Lila offered, beginning to reach her outstretched hand towards one of the wrapped parts.

In a heartbeat Dexter's fist was wrapped tightly around the wrist of the hand reaching for one of the dismembered parts. His eyes cold and empty of any emotion as he spoke. "The only helping you could do, is by leaving." There was no room for debate. Dexter worked alone. It has always been that way and it would never change. His fuck up with Miguel Prado only further proved that. He held her gaze for a moment before throwing her hand from his hold. "Go." It was clear he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. She needed to leave and she needed to leave now. There was no telling what Dexter might actually do to her should she go against him. _"The sun will be coming up in just two hours...that's just enough time for me to finish up what I need to and get home..."_

Moving back from him as he let go of her, Lila nodded. "Fine. I will leave if you want, Dexter..." She reached a hand into her back pocket and removed a slip of paper, something handwritten was on it. Her hand extended his way. "Please, take it. It is the address of the hotel I'm staying at." Her eyes were hopeful as she waited to see if he would take it from her or not. His eyes fell upon it and stared at it a moment before he took a few steps forward to take it. A smile instantly washed over her, satisfied with his acceptance. "I'll be seeing you, Dex." The pale woman quickly pressed her lips to his cheek before turning to leave him with his crime scene.

Dexter turned the paper over in his hand to read the address scribbled upon it. This would be very useful the next time he could afford to perform his ritual. Lila would be his next victim, for sure this time. There would be no escape for her. Tucking the address into his pocket, Dexter then turned to gather the body parts to begin carrying towards his van. He had very limited time to get them to his boat and down the Golf and returning home, before sunrise.

Once everything had been gathered up and stored away into his mini van, Dexter climbed into the driver's seat and began for the drive home to Miami.


	3. Free Time

A/N: Alright, so this chapter is short, only because I am still winging it as I write. I'm currently trying to think of a good main story idea for this. :P So, I hope I don't disappoint any of you readers. If you happen to have any ideas, or suggestions, please share them with me. :]

* * *

It took some time, since he had gone out of his way to drive to the abandoned warehouse outside of Miami, but eventually he made it to the docks. Quickly tossing the parts into his boat Slice of Life before taking off to the usual spot. As he dumped the body into the ocean his mind began to wonder on Lila. _"Why did Lila come back? And more importantly...why did she have to choose a time such as this?" _Dexter's eyes stared aimlessly into the ocean water. The moon was still in the sky slowly fading as minutes passed, illuminating the black water, making it glisten. A cool breeze brushed Dexter's cheek, causing his eyelids to fold over as he took in a breath of air. _"I'm the only one who knows the truth about Doakes's death and because of that Lila is safe from the police..." _Dexter climbed over to the seat in front of the wheel to sit himself down. His hand rested idle upon the wheel as he thought. "_That certainly makes things easier on my part. Sleep well tonight, Lila. Because tomorrow night, your fate is sealed." _Yes. He would end her life tomorrow night. There would be no point in waiting. The longer he waited the more chances she had of ruining something else in his life.A look of determination crossed his features as he began to return to the docks.

The next morning a sluggish Dexter made his way into the police station. As usual co-workers greeted him, while others questioned him on case files and blood reports. "I'll be sure to have it on your desk by lunch." He replied when Laguerta questioned about one. He nodded his head to the others as he passed before sliding into the privacy of his office. Closing the door behind him, Dexter removed the bag from his shoulder and set it beside his stool before taking a seat. Two hands ran along his face as a deep sigh emerged from him. _"So much to do.." _He thought as he grabbed a green folder from a small pile of case files on his desk. His eyes scanned over the file before turning to the blood report, where he had already done the work. _"This case is already pointless to persue." _He thought as he read over the material once more. The file belonged to the case involving Jose Lizarraga. _"This guy is floating freely somewhere along the Golf Stream...Probably in Georgia by now.." _Dexter closed the file after scribbling a few side notes about the blood work. He paused, his eyes raising to stare out of his office window. He had to do something about Lila tonight. She was gullable. Her obsession with Dexter blinded her, it would be easy to trick her into believing him. All it would take was for him to appear as if he was opening up to her, to gain her trust. Lead her to where he wants her and take it from would all be easy. The needle would be slipped into her neck before she even realized what was happening.

Just then the door to his office flew open and in came his sister Debra. She stood staring at him with a tilted head. The expression on her face made it obvious that she wanted to say something, but didn't. There was a moment where the two Morgans stared at each other in silence before Dexter finally spoke. "Is...something wrong?" He questioned, with a quirked brow.

The sister bit the inside of her bottom lip momentarily before replying to him. "Dex, you need some time off." She stated, more than she was suggesting.

"Deb, I'm perfectly fine." Dexter argued, calmly as he turned on his stool to face her completely. "I-"

"DON'T!" Deb cut him off, her brows pulling together in frustration, a finger pointed at him. "Don't you ever fucking say that!" She demanded. "Because I know it's not! How could you be? It's been a WEEK. How can you even pretend to say that you're fine?"

There was a moment of silence between them before he responded. "...Because I have to, Deb." Dexter looked at her, attemping to put on an expression that would be satisfying to her.

A frown formed on her lips as she stared hard into Dexter's eyes. "When Lundy died..." The words struggled out of her mouth, but she maintained composure. "My whole world shattered. My heart...I don't think I'll ever fully recover from it...I was in so much pain and I STILL am." Her voice quaked slightly. The topic was still a touchy one for her and it was never easy for her to speak about her thoughts or feelings on the matter. "...Dexter, you're the strongest person I know.." She started, swallowing hard as she did this. "And it breaks my heart..." Her eyes began to rim with tears, so she paused, pressing her lips together firmly as she fought the tears back. "I can't take it...Watching you. Day after day. And I know it's killing you...but you don't show it. You're trying so hard to pretend like everything's fine and okay... And it's not!" She sighed heavily and wiped away at her eyes and then returned her arms to fold across her chest. "Dexter...You're always there for me. You always watch over me and help me...For once...Let me help you." Debra pleaded as she stared into her brother's eyes.

_"My sister..."_ Dexter's brows arched upwards, his expression painful._ "She shouldn't have to feel this way. Not because of me. She's all that I have left and I'll do whatever I can to make sure she stays safe and happy." _After this thought he slowly nodded his head. "...Alright. You're right." Defeat was in his voice as he spoke.

"Thank you." She replied.

"I...have been putting up an act." Part of it was true and part of it was not. "I just...need to keep it off of my mind. I thought...loading myself in my work would help." He allowed a sigh to brush past his lips as he lowered his head.

"Dexter..." Deb took a step forward to place a hand on his shoulder. "You know that I'm always here for you when you need someone..." She knelt down and picked up his bag for him. "Here, you go on home. I'll explain to Laguertta.. I've kind of been on her case all week about letting you go home for a while..." A soft smile formed at her lips.

"Thanks Deb.." Dexter looked her in the eyes and returned a smile, for her.

Without a word she nodded to him and go to her feet before going to the door but then paused as she pulled it open. Deb glanced over her shoulder at him. "I'll make sure Masuka gets all of your cases done in your absence."

"Thanks again." He gave a subtle nod and she returned it before closing the door, leaving him in alone in his office.

_"This wasn't exactly what I had planned, but who am I to complain? If I can't keep myself busy at work, at least I can be left to work on other victims of my own."_ Taking the optomistic approach on this, Dexter stacked up his case files neatly before grabbing his bag and heading for the door. At least this would give him time to prepare for Lila tonight. Come up with a more detailed plan. He was certain he could do it. And if it could not be accomplished by this night, it was no problem. He had plenty of freetime on his hands now. With that last thought in mind a small smirk formed on his lips as he pressed the down button on the elevator. Tonight was going to be...fun.


End file.
